Executive Functioning

Executive Functioning
...the thinking brain

I quickly figured out that kids can struggle with dragon issues at times and while sensory strategies can help, they aren’t always enough. Sure, it’s helpful to reframe, to see the situation differently and self-monitoring is still critical, but things can still be tough. This is when I began to dive into the world of brain development, specifically executive functioning.
By the time you hit this point in the book you’ve probably figured out if your child has a hard time with dragons and signals. If you are anything like me, you may have already tried some of the new ideas and maybe even had a “dragon conversation” with your child. What if your child has embraced their wiring, understands the importance of regulation but is still struggling?

Now is when the THINKING PART of the brain needs some consideration because this can be one of the big mysteries that affects the WHY of behavior.
Executive functioning is dependent on signals because if we don’t get signals, or we get too many signals, the thinking part can’t think. Dragons provide us with a way to talk about these signals, but sometimes the signals are not the problem. Sometimes the signals come in, but the skills are weak so there is no response, or a delayed response. This can quickly look like intentional behavior like defiance, or a lack of motivation etc. It can be confusing, but just remember the goal: regulation. Regulation comes with BALANCE.

If the signals come in and the skills are strong, we will see regulated behavior.
If there are no signals (or very few), like we see with that sleepy dragon, this can be a high threshold issue or a problem with sensory processing. But if we have no signals, the thinking part can’t work, even if the skills are strong.
If there are too many signals, like we see with the fire dragon and with fight or flight, this can be a low threshold issue or problems with sensory processing. But too many signals prevent the thinking part of the brain from working, so it won’t matter how strong the skills are; we still can’t access them.
Signals can come in, sensory processing is ok, the threshold is hit, and balance is found. The thinking part of the brain should work. But NOW, what if the skill needed is weak or late to develop so the execution or response is slow or non-existent? The skills are too low for the demands of situation. NOW WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

SENSORY PROCESSING AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS ARE INTER-DEPENDENT.
WE NEED SIGNALS AND WE NEED EXECUTION FOR REGULATION.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WHY OF BEHAVIOR, YOU HAVE TO BE AWARE OF BOTH.

More Details on
Executive Functioning

Executive skills aren’t the same as cognitive skills and they aren’t related to IQ. They are skills that make it possible to execute or learn from experience. They are like the air traffic control center of our brain and there are many, many areas of the brain responsible for complex behaviors. They are like any other skill; they must be developed, learned and then practiced. They are the foundation for navigating the demands of childhood and eventually the complexities of adulthood.

Remember watching your child learn to walk? They would stand at the table, forever. Maybe smiling, maybe fussing, but standing and standing. Maybe they rocked side to side, maybe they let go for a moment. We encourage, anticipate and cheer on the process of walking. We would never expect our newborn to walk without first watching, standing, getting stronger, and eventually practicing.

Expecting the behavior and skills that come from brain development is no different than the process of walking.

Executive skills are brain-based behaviors involved in just about EVERYTHING we DO. If the DOING (or lack of doing) is the problem, executive functioning needs a serious look. What do weak executive skills look like? Here are just a few things that you might be experiencing with your child.

Interrupts conversations on a regular basis
Doesn’t follow through with tasks like homework, chores
Talks or plays too loudly and shows impulsive behavior
Bedroom or locker is a disaster- no organization of anything
Always late, trouble with time and use of time
Trouble learning from experience, so the same mistakes are made over and over
Trouble with sustained attention and effort
Behavior regulation issues and trouble analyzing a situation and adjusting behavior
Difficulty with flexibility when schedule or activity changes
STARTING a task that isn’t preferred (Lego’s are very different than homework)
Poor self-monitoring, prioritization and goal-setting ability
Writing: thoughts are disorganized, work is messy, very few words make it on the page
Behavior is often referred to as unmotivated, lazy, not interested, bored, hyper-active, distracted, ‘typical teen’ etc. etc.

Brain development is something that affects everything that ultimately determines behavior: planning, reading the emotions of others, managing frustration, seeing your involvement in a situation and taking responsibility for your actions, and even starting a task that might not be very fun. All of these are different skills that involve different parts of the brain, and sometimes these brain parts develop at different times than they might for a peer, or a sibling. Sometimes we will see issues that surprise us.

They may be great readers, but if they have no friends, they could care less about being a successful student.
They may have an amazing affinity for math, but if they always forget a pencil or white board to work on in class, they miss valuable instruction that the teacher is providing.
When kids struggle with the many skills involved with being a successful student and playing school, they often can't demonstrate what they know. It won't matter if they understand the content because if they never hand in the homework or DO the work, there is no way to know if they have mastered the content.

PLAY is the most important job we can undertake to ensure good brain development. There is a reason that play is so fun…it is joyful, motivating and sometimes even safely unpredictable. Think of all those amazing things that happen during play: touching different textures, making up new games with exciting and ever-changing rules, moving our bodies. We try things out with friends only to discover they don’t like the idea so now you have to compromise and adjust or reinvent. These are only a few of the things we encounter with play. Even as adults, experiences that involve more peer interactions and planning of events (and the changes required when things don’t work) are all skills that our brain must regularly manage. They are also skills that many people (of all ages) struggle with.
When an adult steps in every time a child needs to GET READY, the skill of planning and then EXECUTION might not have the chance to develop. Like walking; if I constantly carry my child and DO all the movement, they won’t figure it out on their own. If something I plan didn’t go well, I would again use my executive skills to figure out something else and the kids just go along for the ride; they didn’t have to figure out another way or problem-solve something new.

Key Elements of Executive Functioning

Executive skill development for things like goal setting and problem-solving tends to peak at 16-18 years with full maturation at 25. ALL children need to develop these skills.
Remembering that executive skills ARE ultimately symptoms of a FULLY DEVELOPED brain can help to keep things in perspective, especially when you’ve asked your child to take out the trash for the fifth time. All kids have underdeveloped executive skills because their brain is still maturing. I remember watching as my toddler finally figured out how to move the stool over to the fridge so he could reach the cookies that were perched above. This was a true feat of EXECUTION! Developmentally, he was now able to use a tool to help him achieve the end-goal of getting a cookie and he was able to work through the multiple steps required to meet that goal. He couldn’t have done it before because those parts of his brain weren’t ready. He would soon do it in a more complex manner (which would also require much more skill on my part in hiding the cookies) because he was now mastering something that he would be extremely motivated to practice and ultimately perfect.
But if this is true, why do some adults also have trouble with some of the many skills related to executive functioning? There are disorganized adults, and those who are always late- those are executive skills too. Keep in mind they are SKILLS so learning and perfecting skills requires practice. Just because my 40 something brain is fully developed doesn’t mean I am good at all these skills (I’m still working on my soccer skills too by the way!)

Executive skills are worse when a child is stressed, tired or has sensory issues.
Remember that the nervous system and a child’s threshold will affect behavior and their tolerance for everything. If a child is tired, stressed or out of sync with their threshold, they are unable to effectively utilize their thinking brain. Guess where all the executive skills lie? Yes, in the brain. So, if they are so maxed that they can’t use their brain there will be no way to execute or demonstrate any of the skills that are stored in there. If they have a dragon issue and find the scary world of fight or flight, the thinking brain doesn’t work either. If they don’t get any cues from the dragon, they can miss key things related to adjusting behavior.

Executive skills develop in the brain, and Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps to motivate us and determines what is worth DOING!!
You know how your child can PLAY for hours on end, even if they can’t seem to focus for longer than 10 minutes at school? Play is motivating; work is NOT! This is where some of our brain chemicals can really help us out. Think of what you enjoy about the end of the day. For me it is my comfy sweats and a glass of wine. When I’m looking at a pile of laundry or a sink full of dishes, this is what I think of. I know when all the jobs of the day are done, I can exhale and indulge in MY time. Kids are no different; building in motivators are key to helping this child. When they don’t have enough dopamine (which is especially common in the teenage years and with kids who are diagnosed with an attentional deficit) they have a hard time thinking of and remembering to focus on the END. What will they get to enjoy when the work is done? Trying to muddle through the stuff they don’t like (like homework or chores) is near impossible because they don’t want to do what’s in front of them. Frankly neither do I! But when a motivator is out there to focus on, getting through the tough activity can be suddenly more manageable. This is likely why many parenting approaches use rewards for motivation; they are a great substitute until our brain chemicals can take over. This comes with experience, development and TIME.

A lack of executive function skills can appear to be intentional or behavioral (“they’re just lazy” or “they just don’t care”) and this can negatively impact self-esteem and eventually motivation toward success.
This is one of the biggest hurdles I find. When kids aren’t working to their potential, they can be called lazy or unmotivated. When they don’t jump right into work, we assume it is because they simply don’t want to and are CHOOSING not to work. When they continue to misbehave, we assume they are defiant. While this can certainly be the case at times (with all of us) it is important to think about the various executive functioning skills that are in demand for a situation. Simply said: if what we are asking is more than the skills of that child, there will be poor execution. If kids COULD they WOULD. People don’t choose to fail. They fail because they don’t have the skills. They may develop patterns (or habits) of behavior as a result of lacking skills, but at the very beginning when they first were presented with a problem, MAYBE they never found success because they weren’t ready or didn’t have the skills or available strategies.

Sometimes we need a different pair of glasses to help us see what is actually going on.
Before labeling behavior, try to figure out what is required for the situation to see if they have those skills. Talking to them about this process can be very beneficial because if they can begin to see what is required it will improve their self-monitoring; do they have what it takes to do this? They will be better equipped to self-advocate when they realize they are missing a critical component needed for the activity. If you are missing a critical Lego piece, your finished product will look very different- and this situation is no different.
Teenagers are especially tricky in this area because they are older, more experienced and their brains ARE more developed. Things are different from elementary school, and they are getting REALLY BIG. When you are standing, looking up at your teenager, it’s hard to not have high expectations about their ability, behavior and skill sets.

Why aren’t they doing what you asked?
Why are they going so slow- don’t they know we are in a hurry?

When the demands of a situation exceed the skills of the child, behavioral regulation is hard.
Now consider how the executive skill required affects how the end looks like and how lagging skills can be part of the problem.

Maybe they are still processing the request (did you know that it can take 3-5 seconds to process an oral instruction….and that is a REALLY long time when you are waiting for an answer!)
Maybe they can’t plan through the steps to get through the activity.
Maybe they don’t know how to start? Maybe there is not motivator (or Dopamine) so they don’t have the energy to start?

Behavioral challenges …A form of developmental delay?
If kids had the skills to do what was requested, don’t you think they would?
Developmental delays are defined as an issue that affects function because things don’t mature and work when they should; there is a delay. When there are under-developed executive skills, they are essentially delays in brain development. Kids don’t like to be in trouble; none of us feel good when we aren’t finding success. If kids could succeed, they wouldn’t have to listen to nagging, they wouldn’t lose privileges and they would make us happy. If kids struggle with flexibility and adaptability they can’t adjust when the situation changes, so they may melt-down. If they lack frustration tolerance, even little things are hard to move past, or overcome. If they have weak problem-solving skills, they can’t come up with an alternative to a boring situation, so they instead may whine and complain. This is another way that I have had great success with that silly dragon; he doesn’t always have all the skills to get smoothly through a situation and guess who is in trouble again?!

Socially, executive skills are critical because they allow us to quiet inappropriate behaviors, read the room (and our friends), and begin to understand a situation of non-verbal communication.
If a child runs into a quiet room from a loud, busy space and doesn’t adjust their activity level, they will likely get in trouble. If a child is playing with a peer and they don’t know how to read non-verbal communication, they might not realize that their friend doesn’t like people in their bubble, or that they can’t handle loud voices. Your child might be super fun and friendly, but if they can’t read the room and adjust, they can easily struggle socially. Take notice of pre-school kids. They dart right into your personal bubble, often touch you with gooey hands, might snuggle in or try to give you a kiss with a green, runny nose and then run away as quickly as they came. Can you imagine if an adult did that to you? This doesn’t usually happen because as we develop, so does the skill of reading the room, reading your friend, etc. With some kids who might have delays in executive functioning skills this can be tough in school or with peers. Kids are known for “telling it like it is” and this can be a harsh reality if your child is missing the cues that others might be getting.

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